Career Day

It's Career Day at 'skool' and the children of Ms. Bitters' class are telling her what they want to be when they grow up. One wants to be a doctor, another a fireman, and when it's Zim's turn, he cries out, "and I will be... Lord of All Humans!" Dib then declares that he's going to be a professional paranormal investigator. As he begins telling everyone why, the 'camera' moves on to the next child as Dib shouts, "hey!" The next child, Melvin, enthusiastically declares he wants to be an astronaut. Ms. Bitters then relates to him how she wanted to be an astronaut when she was younger but her ship imploded in the vacuum of space (as a young Ms. Bitters is seen flying through space in a rickety space capsule and then heard screaming as her ship implodes). "The lesson is: dreams inevitably lead to hideous implosions," she explains. She goes on to inform them it's also the reason the school has instituted standardized tests to choose their careers for them. She then tells them they will be paired with an adult who matches their predetermined career and will spend the day learning about it with them. She then passes the tests out to the students. They're simple Rorschach inkblot tests consisting of three blotches with a line next to each. She instructs the children to simply write down what they see. As Zim takes the test, and answers "human slave" for the first two blotches, he starts scratching a rash on his neck. Dib is then seen writing, "ghost," and "Bigfoot" as his first two answers. Ms. Bitters then calls time and tells them to pass their papers forward. Zim struggles to fill in the third response, grunting and groaning and slamming his head on the desk repeatedly to come up with an answer. He finally writes, "human slave," on the third line.

A large square computer column then plummets from the ceiling next to Ms. Bitters and smashes into the floor. She puts the tests in a slot and a sheet of paper is immediately spat out on another side. She then reads the children their future career assignments. As the children listen, they are distraught to hear their professions are not at all what they had hoped, like a child who's allergic to animals being told he's going to be a veterinarian. Dib is the only student assigned the career he really wanted: paranormal investigator. As she starts to tell Zim what his career choice is, he interrupts (assuming he will be made Lord of All Humans), jumps on his desk and tells everyone he will rule them with an iron fist. Ms. Bitters then informs him that the machine has chosen a career for him in fast food preparation. He doesn't seem to see this as a setback and continues with his tirade, telling them he will prepare food with his iron fist until he works his way up to ruling them all with his fist. He jumps off his desk, goes to Melvin, and, while shaking his fist at him, yells, "You! Obey the fist!" Ms. Bitters growls at Zim and then floats over to the door, her legs tucked up into her dress and her movement sounding like a hover car or jet. She reaches the door and her legs descend from her dress as sounds like landing gear descending and touching ground are heard. She opens the door and tells the children to find their partner.

As the children emerge from the classroom (one of whom is Keef, from the episode, Bestest Friend), they see a strange assortment of people in the hallway, including a ninja, a sumo wrestler, a guy wearing a goalie mask (akin to Jason Voorhees), and series director Steve Ressel. As Zim and Dib approach the doorway, Dib notices Zim's rash as Zim scratches his neck. He goads him by asking him if it's some kind of alien spore. As Zim rebukes him, a teenage boy (with a huge pimple on one side of his face and a band-aid on the other) approaches and asks for Zim. Zim proudly tells him he's Zim and demands he take him to the meat. The young man, who's name is Simon (according to his name tag) informs Zim he'll have to start with the french fries first and must be promoted before working with meat. Dib then gloats to Zim over being assigned a real paranormal investigator as a partner and threatens him with imminent capture and testing.

Dib then wanders down the hall looking for his partner. Along the way, he sees the other children with their partners, like Gaz with a man in a military uniform, and a girl with a disgusted look on her face as she watches her plumber partner work under a sink. He then hears someone ominously whisper, "Pssst! Your name Dib?" Dib turns and sees his partner, a very serious looking man with dark glasses and a trench coat (a parody of Fox Mulder), standing before him. He tells Dib to call him "Bill." Dib immediately starts to tell him about Zim but Bill interrupts with a speech about Dib needing to open his mind. Dib concedes that his mind is already pretty open and tries to continue telling Bill about his own investigation, but Bill ignores him, insisting they get moving instead. Bill's car then pulls up and the two get in.


Zim and Simon arrive at work.As Zim and Simon arrive at McMeaties (on Simon's bicycle), Zim notices the restaurant's sign declaring, "over 8 billion served," and marvels at the power the restaurant must hold. He concludes that if he rules McMeaties, he'll rule the world. Simon then proceeds to show Zim the basics of fast food preparation. As they move through the kitchen, Zim questions Simon about promotions, finally asking how many promotions before he's made ruler of the planet, to which Simon responds, "uh, about four." During this time, Zim's rash has been getting worse, and as he scratches it, gobs of pus come flying out and land on the food.

Meanwhile, in Bill's car, he and Dib are driving to an unknown location in the countryside as Bill monologues, blaming the corporations for many conspiracies but the government for most. (As he speaks, a panicked mooing is heard approaching and the car suddenly jolts as though it struck something. Neither of them seem to notice or care even though it happens several more times, with different animal noises leading up to the bump each time.) Dib then notices a pile of folders on the floor. He grabs them as Bill tells him that those are his case files. He explains that the files on top are real and the ones beneath all fakes. Dib flips through the folders and finds things like psychic lawn gnomes, vampire lemurs, and cereal mascot Frankenchokey on top. Beneath them he finds folders for Bigfoot, aliens, and dinosaurs with a large red X on them. Dib tries to explain that they're in the wrong order but Bill rebukes him and starts to tell him that's what "they" want him to believe. Dib continues looking through the folders and finds one with a red X labeled Galactic Equinox. Dib asks about the final folder and Bill explains that it's a crackpot theory his colleagues believe about the galaxies lining up at precisely 5 p.m. that day and causing all aliens living off their home world to experience a hideous molting. Dib suddenly realizes that the rash on Zim's neck must be the molting and tries to convince Bill to turn around and head for McMeaties. Bill only shushes him though as they arrive at their destination. To Dib's dismay, they pull up to a crop circle and Bill begins a monologue over its mysterious origins. Dib tries to convince Bill it's a fake and Bill begins to rant about those who don't believe his theories. Dib then points to the cow rolling around in the hay and creating the pattern.

Over at McMeaties, Zim is serving fast food to an impatient customer, who tells him to hurry so they won't miss the equinox. Zim is startled to discover that the equinox is that night and as he scratches his rash and another glob of pus comes flying off, he begins to panic over the impending molt. He runs to Simon and asks to be sent home and Simon informs him if he does so, he'll never be promoted. Distraught over losing the power of McMeaties, Zim decides he must stay and asks for a break instead. Simon then points him to the mean-looking shift captain for an answer.

Back at the crop circle, Bill is using a scanning device to investigate the cow as Dib continues to try to convince him they should go to McMeaties to catch Zim. Bill, however, believes the cow is being controlled by aliens. Dib, enraged over Bill's stupidity, sarcastically declares that if he were talking about cereal mascot Count CocoFang (as he looks behind him and sees a Coco Splodies cereal billboard), Bill would listen. Bill quickly turns and asks Dib what he knows about Cocofang. Dib pauses for a moment then tells him Cocofang will be at McMeaties at 5 o'clock, hoping to trick Bill into helping him. The two of them quickly hop back into the car. As they head back into the city (and a man is heard screaming until the car jolts), Bill relates his lifelong hunt for Count Cocofang, explaining that he is an actual vampire, just like Frankenchokey is an actual, "Franken... thing."


"We have to catch the alien!"As 5 o'clock nears and they approach McMeaties, Dib is crushed at the sight of a man dressed like Count Cocofang signing autographs for children at a nearby grocery store. When Bill sees the Count, he heads straight for him. Dib frantically tries to convince Bill that they should be looking for aliens but Bill continues to ignore him and gets out of the car to go after Cocofang. He charges to the front of the line (pushing a child into the mud on the way) and confronts the Count. The actor in the Cocofang costume continues with his act, oblivious to Bill's insanity. Bill then pulls out a wooden stake and as Dib runs between the two of them and tries to tell Bill it's just a guy in a costume and Bill wields his stake, the actor figures out what's going on and runs off in a panic. Bill charges off in pursuit.

Back at McMeaties, Zim's face is covered with sores and oozing pus, but no one seems to notice. Simon then sees Bill chasing Cocofang and yells out to everyone in the restaurant about what's happening, drawing their attention outside. As everyone rushes to the window, the clock strikes 5 and Zim holds his breath. Planets are then seen lining up and a tremendous flash accompanies their total alignment. The flash expands across the universe and Zim is then seen looking completely normal, his rash gone. As Zim feels his face and grins in satisfaction, his body suddenly turns into a huge gelatinous mass that spreads out across the entire restaurant, filling it completely and pressing everyone against the outside glass. As Dib and Bill chase after Cocofang, who has hopped on to the back of a garbage truck, Zim's body continues to expand and ooze out into the street. Dib turns and sees this, crying out, "nooo!" as no one else pays any attention. Zim's body then quickly reabsorbs the extra mass and returns to normal.

Outside, Bill monologues at Dib again about not giving up his search. Dib responds by calling him a jerk and walking away. Inside the restaurant, Zim's molting left a tremendous amount of green goo all over the restaurant and on everyone in it. As Zim and the shift captain look around, the shift captain turns to Zim and fires him.

I wonder why Zim would take the job when he had this got this job when he was banished